The Impact of Women's Higher Earnings on Romantic Relationships: High-Income Women Discuss Dating, Finance, and Love
Jo-anne Peng, a 46-year-old business development manager, earns a monthly salary of S$18,000. Despite her financial success, Peng has found herself grappling with emotional burnout in her relationships.
Peng has never been in a relationship where her partner was more financially successful than her. In fact, her partners have earned 30 to 50 percent less than her. Yet, the financial load and the emotional responsibilities have often led to emotional burnout.
Financial stress contributes to emotional burnout by causing persistent worry, shame, and feelings of obligation or dependence, especially when debt is involved. The constant pressure to manage repayments or maintain financial stability can lead to irritability, avoidance of financial discussions, and depressive symptoms.
The strain of bearing financial responsibilities can create relationship tensions. The emotionally burned-out partner may experience reduced emotional responsiveness, leading to feelings of disconnect and imbalance within the relationship. Role conflict and compassion fatigue—commonly studied in contexts of emotional labor—also apply here, as financial caretakers expend significant emotional energy that could otherwise go toward nurturing the relationship.
Peng found it difficult to "be a woman" in her relationships due to her financial independence. Her mentality of financial independence never made her dependent on her partners, but it led to neglect of her emotional needs. Peng's relationships have often resulted in emotional burnout due to her taking on both financial and emotional responsibilities.
Aloysius Tay, principal psychologist at The Psychology Clinic, validates Peng's feelings as legitimate. Topics like trust, communication, shared values, and maturity become more prominent when discussing money in a relationship. Money significantly impacts the formation of a healthy relationship.
Peng believes that as long as she is financially comfortable and her partner does not expect her to provide money, the relationship is acceptable. However, others in similar circumstances may feel the same but stay silent about their emotional burnout.
Addressing financial burnout often requires open communication, external support, and strategic financial planning to alleviate both emotional and financial pressures. It's essential for individuals like Peng to prioritise self-care and seek support when needed to maintain emotional wellbeing and foster healthier relationships.
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