Separating Sleep Routines Led to Improved Personal Health and Relationship Quality for Me
Separating sheets at night might sound unusual, but it's a sleep arrangement plenty of couples have jumped on board with. If you've ever lost a wink of sleep because of your partner's snoring or constant tossing and turning, the term "sleep divorce" makes perfect sense. And many couples have found solace in this separate slumber situation.
Nathaniel Watson, M.D., a board-certified physician and co-director of the UW Medicine Sleep Center at the University of Washington in Seattle, says the term "sleep divorce" simply refers to a couple who sleeps separately, whether it's in separate beds in the same room or different bedrooms entirely.
In a 2024 poll by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), over half of adults (56%) admit to altering their sleep routine to accommodate a bed partner. Around a third (34%) even sleep in another bed in the same room or another location in the house just to catch some zzz's in peace.
Reasons for a Sleep Divorce
The reasons for a sleep divorce are usually one simple thing: you and your partner's sleep habits clash like oil and water. Some common issues include:
- Schedules: With varying bedtimes and wake-up calls, one partner can disrupt the other's sleep if they hit the sack at a different hour.
- Snoring or sleep apnea
- One partner being a light sleeper
- Sleep habits don't match up:** If one person prefers a quiet, dark room to fall asleep, while the other craves background noise, a sleep divorce might be the answer.
- Blanket thieves: Plain and simple, blanket stealing can lead to misery if one partner hogs the covers and leaves the other to shiver in the cold.
To get a good night's rest when your partner has different sleep preferences, consider the following tips:
Embracing the Sleep Divorce
Nathaniel Watson's parent's, Mummu and Vaari, were a shining example of the sleep divorce concept. They'd been sleeping in separate bedrooms for as long as their granddaughter knew them, each room tailored to their individual tastes. When the thought of a sleep divorce came up with her own husband, Chris, it wasn't a strange concept, especially considering the importance of sleep in her career as a journalist.
As she grew older and began experiencing signs of insomnia, she realized her father, who had always refused treatment, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. With her father's history and her own declining sleep quality, she knew a sleep divorce was the answer. One day, she casually suggested the idea to Chris, who didn't object.
Is a Sleep Divorce Necessary?
Obviously, a sleep divorce should be the last resort, and there are solutions for many of the issues that cause sleep disturbances. For those with snoring or sleep apnea, the condition can be treated with a CPAP machine. For different sleep schedules, modifying habits and routines can help, such as avoiding caffeine or electronics before bedtime.
In some cases, using separate blankets or duvets, as in the Scandinavian sleep method, may help, but in others, a trial separation might be the answer. If the sleep disruptions persist, Watson suggests considering a sleep divorce.
The benefits of a sleep divorce are clear: improved sleep quality, reduced irritability and better health. Plus, turning on the lights in the morning feels so much better than stumbling in the dark. However, in smaller homes or relationships that value physical intimacy, a sleep divorce might not be ideal.
Communication and compromise are key when discussing a sleep divorce with your partner. Aim to approach the conversation from a "we" perspective, rather than blaming one another, and be willing to consider their concerns and objections. If you feel a sleep divorce is necessary, present solutions to overcome the challenges and improve your sleep life together.
- In some relationships, the sleep habits of partners clash, leading to sleep disruptions that can disrupt their health and wellness.
- Snoring or sleep apnea, different sleep schedules, light sleepers, and blankets thieves are common issues that cause sleep disturbances in couples.
- Nathaniel Watson, a board-certified physician, says the term "sleep divorce" refers to couples who sleep separately due to clashing sleep habits.
- In a 2024 poll by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, over half of adults admitted to altering their sleep routine to accommodate a bed partner and around a third sleep in another bed to catch some sleep in peace.
- Moses and Vaari, Nathaniel Watson's parents, are an example of the sleep divorce concept, having slept in separate bedrooms for years, each room tailored to their individual tastes.
- In smaller homes or relationships that value physical intimacy, a sleep divorce might not be ideal, and communication and compromise are important when discussing the idea with a partner.
- Many couples find solace in sleeping separately, improving their sleep quality, reducing irritability, and promoting better health.
- For those with snoring or sleep apnea, treatment options such as a CPAP machine are available, and modifying habits such as avoiding caffeine or electronics before bedtime can help with different sleep schedules.
