Skip to content
womens-health — Mind — Behavior — relationships — health-and-wellness — Adolescence — Perception — Psychology — Diagnosis — Mental disorders

Challenges and Qualities in Friendships Between Autistic Women: An Insight

Social bonds and camaraderie are sought after by many autistic females, much like the general population. These individuals frequently express a deep yearning to establish and sustain friendships, exhibiting social aspirations similar to their neurotypical counterparts.

,   and  Administrator
6 min read
Women with autism, much like most individuals, typically yearn for friendships and social...
Women with autism, much like most individuals, typically yearn for friendships and social interactions. Many autistic females exhibit a profound desire to form and sustain friendships, exhibiting social aspirations similar to their non-autistic counterparts.

Challenges and Qualities in Friendships Between Autistic Women: An Insight

Females with Autism: Unveiling the Unique Struggles and Triumphs in Friendships

Like most individuals, women with autism yearn for companionship and meaningful connections. However, they often face unique challenges in forming and maintaining friendships, leading to higher rates of loneliness compared to neurotypical women and autistic men.

The challenges faced by women with autism primarily stem from differences in social communication, expectations, and interaction styles. Some of these challenges include:

Social Camouflaging

To fit in and make friends, women with autism may employ strategies to conceal their autistic traits, also known as autistic masking/camouflaging. This can result in less genuine connections and limitations on authentic self-expression, as one individual puts it:

"I fear my friends don't truly know me. I have a different mask for every person, and I'm always worried they won't want to be friends with my real self."

Relational Conflict

These women may experience increased relational aggression, such as gossiping or being excluded, and struggle to effectively understand and respond to it. One study found that autistic girls frequently reported high levels of relational aggression within their friendships, and may not be able to recognize conflict within their relationships or manage it accordingly.

Difficulties in Understanding Social Norms

Women with autism often find it hard to decipher subtle social cues, body language, and unspoken rules, resulting in misunderstandings and feelings of social disorientation. They may also discover that female peers can be less accepting of social errors or differences, leading to a sense of alienation.

Expected Emotional and Physical Intimacy

There may be an expectation for greater emotional openness or physical intimacy in female friendships, which can be challenging for some women with autism. For example, rejecting a hug from a friend might be perceived as rude. As one person confessed:

"As an autistic woman, I find it hard to deal with physical touch or understand when it is appropriate to display physical intimacy with platonic friends, so I prefer to avoid it unless initiated by the other person."

Friendship Insecurity

Due to difficulties making and maintaining friendships, women with autism may suffer from insecurities in their relationships. They may worry about rejection, losing friends, and struggle to form trust with potential friends. As one person admitted:

"I've had friends shun me in the past, so I assume that this will happen again in future relationships. What's the point in trying?"

Disconnection with Neurotypical Individuals

Connections with neurotypical females can be particularly strained due to:

  • Complex Social Rules: Female friendships often involve unspoken rules, subtle hints, and indirect communication that can be difficult to navigate.
  • Different Communication Priorities: Neurotypical female friendships tend to emphasize emotional sharing, social bonding through conversation, and complex social hierarchies—elements that may not align with the communication preferences of women with autism.
  • Exhausting Social Performance: The pressure to maintain neurotypical social standards can be mentally and emotionally draining.

Although forming friendships with neurotypical individuals may prove challenging, many women with autism find it easier to connect with other neurodivergent individuals.

Strengths in Friendships with Autism

Women with autism can possess a unique set of strengths that enrich friendships, often mirroring the qualities found in neurotypical female friendships while bringing unique perspectives and attributes. These strengths can contribute to meaningful and fulfilling relationships, albeit in a unique fashion compared to neurotypical individuals.

Authenticity and Honesty

Women with autism are often commended for their authenticity, honesty, and direct communication style. They tend to speak their minds and value genuine connections over superficial interactions, creating a foundation of trust within friendships. This authenticity allows them to have a clear, straightforward approach to communication, which can be refreshing in friendships.

Emotional Connection and Support

Women with autism, like neurotypical females, tend to value emotional sharing, intimacy, and conversation in friendships. They often provide a supportive space for emotional expression and understanding, fostering deep, meaningful relationships.

Loyalty and Dedication

Women with autism can be incredibly loyal and dedicated friends. They often form intense, close relationships, preferring one or two best friends rather than a large group. This dedication leads to strong, enduring bonds, and shows a knack for being an attentive friend.

Unique Perspectives and Insights

Women with autism often possess unique perspectives and insights that broaden the horizons of their friends. They may have different ways of seeing the world, problem-solving, or expressing themselves creatively, enriching the lives of those around them. This diverse perspective can introduce innovative ideas and approaches to various situations.

Preference for Quality Over Quantity

Since women with autism may prioritize fewer but closer relationships over a large number of casual friendships, they can invest deeply in their chosen friendships. This dedication means their chosen friendships are likely to be of higher quality, as they can devote more time, energy, and attention to their close friends.

Differences in Friendships between Autistic Women and Men

Key differences in friendships between autistic women and men may include:

  • Social Motivation: Autistic women are typically more socially motivated, showing a greater interest in making and keeping friendships. They are also more often included in the classroom than autistic boys.
  • Friendship Focus: Autistic girls often focus on talking with friends, whereas autistic boys tend to focus on shared activities.
  • Friendship Quality: Autistic girls tend to have closer, more helpful, and more secure friendships. Autistic boys' friendships are often described as more activity-focused and practically supportive.
  • Intimacy: Autistic girls value intimacy in friendships, similar to neurotypical girls. They are more likely to seek emotional sharing and support, and their friendships tend to center around emotional sharing, talking, and spending time together. Autistic boys are more likely to focus on practical elements of friendship, such as shared activities and providing help.
  • Conflict: Autistic girls report more relational conflict within their friendships (e.g., gossiping and being left out) than autistic boys. Autistic boys tend to experience more overt conflict (e.g., threats). Autistic girls may find it harder to understand and manage conflict.
  • Number of Friends: Autistic girls may have one or two close friends rather than a larger group of friends, whereas autistic boys may have a wider group of friends.
  • Social Styles: Autistic girls may develop "compensatory strategies" to camouflage social difficulties, which can help them blend in more but may lead to challenges in maintaining relationships.
  • Understanding: Autistic males may have a more "exchange-based" or "tit-for-tat" understanding of friendship compared to females.
  • Communication: Autistic girls may tend to discuss their friends, which may be due to heightened awareness of friendships or peers, or because they are more likely to experience negative consequences when they make a social error.
  • Gendered Expectations: Gendered expectations about friendship may affect autistic boys and girls differently. For example, women tend to value intimacy, reciprocity, and emotional understanding in friendships, while men's friendships are based more on sharing activities and interests.

References

Black, M. H., Kuzminski, R., Wang, J., Ang, J., Lee, C., Hafidzuddin, S., & McGarry, S. (2024). Experiences of friendships for individuals on the autism spectrum: A scoping review. Review Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 11(1), 184-209. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40489-022-00332-8

Cola, M., Yankowitz, L. D., Tena, K., Russell, A., Bateman, L., Knox, A., ... & Parish-Morris, J. (2022). Friend matters: sex differences in social language during autism diagnostic interviews. Molecular autism, 13, 1-16. https://doi.org/10.1186/s13229-021-00483-1

De Goede, I. H., Branje, S. J., & Meeus, W. H. (2009). Developmental changes in adolescents' perceptions of relationships with their parents. Journal of youth and adolescence, 38, 75-88. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-008-9286-7

Kuo, M. H., Orsmond, G. I., Cohn, E. S., & Coster, W. J. (2011). Friendship characteristics and activity patterns of adolescents with an autism spectrum disorder. Autism. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361311416380

Płatos, M., & Pisula, E. (2021). Friendship understanding in males and females on the autism spectrum and their typically developing peers. Research in Autism Spectrum Disorders, 81, 101716. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.rasd.2020.101716

Sedgewick, F., Hill, V., Yates, R., Pickering, L., & Pellicano, E. (2016). Gender differences in the social motivation and friendship experiences of autistic and non-autistic adolescents. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 46, 1297-1306. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-015-2669-1

Sedgewick, F., Hill, V., & Pellicano, E. (2018). 'It's different for girls': Gender differences in the friendships and conflict of autistic and neurotypical adolescents. Autism. https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361318794930

  1. The behavior of women with autism in forming friendships is often influenced by their efforts to camouflage their autistic traits, known as social camouflaging.
  2. Perception and understanding of social norms can be challenging for women with autism, leading to misunderstandings and feelings of social disorientation.
  3. Research in the field of psychology highlights that women with autism may struggle to effectively understand and respond to relational aggression in friendships.
  4. In relationships, women with autism might face difficulties in managing feelings of insecurity, worry, and mistrust, due to past experiences of rejection and loss of friendships.
  5. Disorders associated with autism, such as depression and anxiety, can negatively impact the mental health and well-being of women and their ability to form and maintain friendships.
  6. Communication within friendships may sometimes be strained for women with autism, as they might find it hard to navigate complex social rules, subtle hints, and indirect communication.
  7. Researchers have found that women with autism often possess unique strengths, such as authenticity, emotional connection, loyalty, and a preference for quality over quantity in friendships.
  8. Women's health, particularly in adolescence, plays an important role in the development and growth of friendships for women with autism, as they navigate relationships and manage various disorders and challenges.
  9. The science of mental health and health-and-wellness has progressed in understanding the unique struggles and triumphs faced by women with autism in forming and maintaining friendships, thus providing opportunities for better diagnosis, support, and interventions.

Read also:

    Related

    Latest